Thank you for the comments on my latest blog. I am processing what the psychologist said and will talk it through with my GP when I see him next week.
At the moment, I am still undecided about whether to take a/ds or not. Part of me realises that they can be a big help but part of me is a bit fearful. Maybe that's silly, I don't know. I also think that if I were able to exercise, that would really help me -not just because of the endorphins and how they make me feel, but also because exercising is normal for me and would make me feel that I am getting back to my old self. With that in mind, I have been in contact with our local leisure centre and have managed to negotiate a good deal with them for me and Amy, a partnership membership which cuts the cost and they have also honoured my renewal discount (which they didn't need to do, as my membership lapsed a couple of months ago and the discount applies if you renew immediately). However, I explained why I had let my membership lapse and they have been really helpful. I think I can start doing some cycling on the exercise bike to strengthen my leg muscles and do some squats and lunges to tone up a bit. Maybe some sit ups, depending on how my shoulder reacts!
I really do think that proper exercise will help my mood. Neil took me out for a lovely autumn walk yesterday, in the sunshine (always lifts my mood anyway) - he could see my mood was sinking a bit and fresh air and exercise always help when I am like that, so hopefully a more structured exercise routine will benefit me. I have to find some way to protect my face from the impact when I do start running again - there's a risk that the muscles on the left side of my face will lengthen if they're not protected, which would reduce the effectiveness of any reanimation surgery that the consultant might do in the future. Does anyone remember the face bra from Ally McBeal? I think that's what I need! I can tape up my face (I tape up my forehead every day anyway) but it won't stop the impact jarring. I am seeing my speech therapist next week and she specialises in facial palsy so hopefully she will have some advice for me.
On Saturday, Tara and Andy (two friends from Runners' World) came over for lunch and what a lovely time we had! It was good to see Tara again after far too long (about 18 months!) and although I have seen Andy in the summer a couple of times, it was good to let him see how much my face has improved since the early days (although improvement is relative, isn't it?). Tara had knitted me some fingerless mittens, which I wore on my walk yesterday and Andy gave me a book which Neil is looking very interested in, so I may have to wait my turn to read it! I enjoyed cooking lunch for us - I like cooking when I have time to relax and enjoy it, with some music playing and the chance just to potter around in the kitchen. I think the kitchen is my favourite place in the house and I love eating in there rather than the dining room - it just feels more homely and relaxed.
Busy week this week but with work (finishing the marking scheme for the exam paper I have written) and social events - several lunches this week and on Wednesday evening, Neil, Amy and I are off to see Charley Boorman talking about his adventures, including riding motorbikes from London to New York via Mongolia! Of course, that's particularly interesting for us because of Amy doing the Mongol Rally last year and, in fact, Charley Boorman and Ewan McGregor sent her and her team-mates copies of their book about their experiences for them to raffle for their charity, so there's a bit of a connection there already. I will find it a real shock when I have to go back to work and can't arrange my week around my social life!
Today is an expensive day - not only will I be paying for gym membership (Amy's is her Christmas present, so that's her big present sorted!) but I also had to tax my car - yes, the car I never get to drive at the moment! We have arranged for her own car to be MOTd so we know what work might need to be done to it, so hopefully we can get her car back on the road and I can get mine back! Now I am able to drive again, I miss my lovely car.
On the pain side, the mouth ulcers are getting better, although as the day goes on, they start to ache a bit. My neck and cheek are still a bit tender and swollen but I have cut right back on the painkillers and am down to one painkiller every few days, if I feel the need. It all seems to be a bit more bearable and, as I am eating better too, I think that helps.
Enough rambling! I need to get on with this exam paper. Thank you for your support (that includes all the silent readers of this blog - you know who you are!) and for your comments. Biggest thanks go, as always, to my lovely husband and children. Can't do it without you, especially Neil.