Saturday 20 August 2011

Is that a small glimmer of light ahead?

Could it possibly be that I can spy a tiny wee glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel? I am now 60% of the way through my radiotherapy treatment and it seems to have given me a bit of a psychological boost. It was helped by the fact that when I saw the consultant, as I do every Friday, he said my mouth and throat were very good compared to how patients usually are at this stage (all I can say to that is, I really, really pity them, because my mouth and throat are achingly raw) - somehow, that made me feel better too. I mentioned that I am having trouble sleeping and he gave me some sleeping tablets to try - I am not a fan of sleeping tablets but I must admit, I took one last night and slept straight away and like a log, so I shall continue to use them while I feel I need to. We talked about my skin (red but I'm doing the right thing by massaging it with E45) , my dry mouth and gloopy saliva (not much to do at this stage other than keep sipping iced water) and my difficulty eating - he recommended taking a couple of painkillers half an hour before eating to see if that helped.

The nausea is still there but I haven't been sick for over a week, although there has been a lot of what we call in Scotland "the dry boak" - where you retch and retch and, painful though it is, nothing comes up. It's a classic example of putting in a lot of effort for no result!

Anyway, back to yesterday. Came back from hospital, had a rest and then Neil was off work in the afternoon so the two of us went down into town, because for once I felt hungry so we thought we should capitalise on it and have lunch. We sat in the sun outside our local Italian and I had a few forksful of risotto and a couple of mouthfuls of spaghetti carbonara - tasty and filling. I had lost just over 3 kilos over the past week so I guess my stomach has got used to having a bit less food. I wouldn't recommend the radiotherapy diet to anybody, though - it's a bit drastic! Today all I have been able to eat is a few mouthfuls of ice-cream (Ben and Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake, I think) - normally I am not an ice-cream fan, but it slips down easily and soothes my throat.

It was our son's birthday yesterday but we couldn't do the usual thing of going out for a family meal because I wasn't up to a chatty, family meal out, so he ended up doing his thing with his friends, our daughter did an overnight babysit and Neil and I stayed in watching tv. I feel guilty that my illness and treatment are having such a huge impact on our family life. I couldn't even get out to buy birthday presents for our son but had to ask our daughter to pick up things for him. I know it's not the end of the world but it is one more example of how things I used to view as normal are anything but at the moment.

Still, and to get back to the opening thoughts, I  can finally see a bit of light at the end of what is a very long tunnel. It's a wee speck at the moment, but it will get closer and bigger over the next couple of weeks. Why, this time next week I will be in single figures! Then it's a romp towards the finish line. In Marathon terms, Monday is my Mile 17 moment, so my Runners World pom-pom wavers are gearing themselves up for a virtual shake and shimmy :-) In honour of the occasion, I shall wear my Runners' Arms t-shirt to hospital on Monday. For those of you thinking of running a marathon, I can highly recommend the Mile 17 pink champagne stop, inaugurated at Flora London Marathon in 2007 and repeated every year since - the last 9.2 miles just fly by! I can't have the pink fizz this time, but I can definitely have the pom-pom shaking!!

10 comments:

  1. My pompoms are dusted down and raring to go. I'll save some pink fizz for you when you get to the end ... not long until you're on the virtual Mall :-)

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  2. Those physical effects are a b&gger, Ali. You're doing brilliantly. Big hug and a glug or two for Monday. xxxx

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  3. All your friends are counting down with you, Ali :-) KBO

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  4. My poms poms are being dragged out of semi retirement

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  5. Head for that light!! You're an amazing Mum - I'm sure a night out with the boys was a great celebration, and more important, you're at home!! XX

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  6. Hey I've found you again! I am sure your kids are so proud of you and the way you are coping with this all and there are plenty of celebrations in the future for you all to have!

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  7. Ali, go towards the light, shaking those pom poms.

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  8. I'm game for pompom shaking :-D

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  9. Oh, Ali! I found you through Mumsnet, and I just can't stop reading your blog. Kinda puts everything into perspective for me! Just don't know what to say... but here's a huge from me!

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  10. That should have read - a huge hug from me!! Darn HTML!

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